On a dating site, I received this message (followed by my response and then his response to me, and the quotes from his profile. I really don't get it. He looks like a model from magazines, literally, although I don't really find him attractive. Just not my type. ButI had to share this with... someone, so why not share it with everyone?
(To me from him:)
Nice photo and profile you have.
Hope this site is treating you well.
Tom
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Feb 28, 2012 – 5:48am
After reading your profile, I am very confused. While I think some of your statements are true ("Why do all the chefs on 'Hell's Kitchen' smoke?"), I think a lot of what you wrote is intended to make others feel inferior to you. I'm an intelligent person, I know what a gaffer and a best boy do and I didn't have to look it up. I happened to study video production. (They are both electricians, the best boy being the head electrician.) Your statement about no one actually being allergic to smoke is, in fact, wrong. Something doesn't have to technically be classified as an allergen in order for someone to be allergic to it. I am allergic to smoke and have a physical reaction when exposed to it.
I am curious why you wrote to me, since you seem to be looking for perfection, and I am clearly not perfect. My picture isn't very good, I'm fat, I have cats, I'm an atheist, I never drink, and I absolutely do not think I'm better than other people. Although I do have pretty good grammar and spelling and wish others did, too.
Denise
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Feb 28, 2012 – 8:12am
Hi Denise,
Sorry I confused you. I was mearly saying hello. As to your assumption that my goal on OkCupid is to make others feel inferior - that's just incorrect. I assure you, if I wanted to make people feel that way - I could, lol. Besides, posting on a dating website would be a rather inefficient way to do it. I am a fortunate man in many ways - all of which I earned.
I also what a "gaffer" and "best boy" are. I wasn't really asking for someone to shed light on that. They're funny names. Simple. Don't you think so? Maybe you just don't find me very humerous, lol.
No, I am in fact - not wrong :) ...while you certainly might have a reaction to "smoke" - you are not allergic to it. This is something that many physicians disagree on. Think of it like this. You'd also have a reaction if a wasp stung you (everyone would). Your cardinal symptoms would probably not differ from the majority of people. However, some of those stung would go into anaphylactic shock. If you'd like, I can provide you with documentation from one of the nations leading Allergist. This is not disputed. He happens to agree with me. Some people are just more sensitive to things than others.
You have me confused as well. What does the fact that you're owned by cats have to do with anything? Where did I state that I'm seeking perfection? Or was that just the conclusion you garnered from reading my profile? Clearly, your impression is that I think I am better than other people. I might not disagree with that. However, it's not pompous. Your usage of grammar and correct spelling is applauded. Do you think that's by chance? Do you think you were born that way? No. In that respect you are better than most. That's just a fact. You stated that you're "full figured". That wasn't a secret...and yes, you should have a larger photo. But, that's none of my business...that's just my opinion. The fact that you claim to be an atheist (a serious one, lol) would in fact prevent us from being a romantic match. I knew that. I also prefer someone who enjoys an adult beverage. Although, I didn't think it would have been an issue saying "Hi".
Tom
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His profile: I dare you to get through it without vomiting. That is, if you can get through it at all, as it is literally the longest profile I have ever seen on any dating site:
My self-summary
Everything I've said up to this point is accurate. I am truly uncomplicated. A confident, genuine guy who has a zest for life. I've made a successful career for myself - one that allows me to enjoy my passions. I am well traveled as my work has taken me all over the world. A partner in crime is something that I desire. I'll try anything twice. Except for watching "Glee". I wouldn't do that even once!
I'm a proponent of the Oxford comma.
I have expectations. To the consternation of some men, you should too.
I don't date women who are in "school" or that use microwaves.
::SLANTED.MUSINGS::
You're not allergic to smoke. It can be an irritant, but, it's not an allergen. Just because you don't like something doesn't make you allergic to it. That's akin to me saying, "I'm allergic to liberals".
I like a woman whose parts are OEM.
Differing from many, I don't have a problem with the price of gasoline. Actually, I wish it would go up a bit more. Higher cost = less drivers. Instead of complaining - do something about it...invest in a petroleum company.
A Profile Observation: If you only have one [1] photo posted - and it has two [2] or more pl bod·ies in it - please state which figure you reside in. Making a guess could hurt feelings. Also, while on the subject of photos - please have one.
It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.
The "Awards Program" here is a bit too touchy-feely for me. I don't accept them. Not that I don't appreciate kind gestures. I just find it a bit puerile.
Concerning tattoos: Not really a fan. Although, If you have one strategically placed...the type you don't get in prison with a "Bic" pen and a sewing needle - that's a little different. Those are easier to sand off.
Almost everyone who reads this will try to lick their elbow.
I like pierced ears...but, I'm not keen on the Padaung Tribe Neck Rings.
.-- .... . -. / -.. . -.-. .- -. - .. -. --. / .-- .. -. . / -- .- -.- . / ... ..- .-. . / - .... .- - / -.-- --- ..- / - .. .-.. - / - .... . / .--. .- .--. . .-. / -.-. ..- .--. / .- -. -.. / .--. --- ..- .-. / ... .-.. --- .-- .-.. -.-- / ... --- / .- ... / -. --- - / - --- / -... .-. ..- .. ... . / - .... . / ..-. .-. ..- .. - / --- ..-. / - .... . / .-- .. -. . .-.-.-
(Denise's note: OMG he's using Morse code. I am now shaking my head. By the way, I decoded it and it reads: WHEN DECANTING WINE MAKE SURE THAT YOU TILT THE PAPER CUP AND POUR SLOWLY SO AS NOT TO BRUISE THE FRUIT OF THE WINE.)
What I’m doing with my life
Building a fort.
I’m really good at
- Eating plant and animal. Mainly animal.
- Selecting potato chips and pairing them with food/drink.
- Recognizing the details.
- Skinning a cat. (=^:^=) There's more than 1 way.
- Dressing for the occasion.
- Opening a coconut.
- Scrabble.
- Arterial, Venous, Capillary, and Pulmonary Circulation.
- Cryptography [Encryption]
- Using a grill. Gas or Charcoal.
- Observing Football. College & Professional.
- Surveying the BIG picture.
- Sitting in a Hot Spring® Grandee Hot Tub & Spa.
- Being Opinionated. That requires being informed.
- Kayaking.
- Preparing and consuming a Gin & Tonic.
- Debugging Source Code.
- Shaving. Body Grooming. I never cut myself.
- Navigating Luxury Resorts.
- Separating the good from the bad.
- Building a fire.
- Pouring ice water into a shower. Not everyone appreciates this.
- Discernment.
- Watching Fox News. Also: Discovery, History, NG, & Food Network.
- Preparing and consuming a Mojito.
- Being a Capitalist, and/of/or things relating to Capitalism.
- Eating Wasabi Soy Flavored Almonds. Another addiction.
- Marinating meat.
- Scuba Diving.
- Organizing/Stocking a pantry.
- Denouncing the over regulated fabric of America.
- Watching Dexter, Battlestar Galactica, & Arrested Development.
- Sharpening a knife.
The first things people usually notice about me
Not to be braggart - but, lets just say I've been called a bipedal eukaryote more than a few times. I have a highly developed brain. One that is capable of abstract reasoning, developed language, introspection, as well as problem solving. Subsequently, my taxon identifier is 9606.
Although, if I'm disrobed, people (meaning female people) usually notice that I have a tiny dime sized light colored circular mark on my upper thigh. I explain that this is only a group of malformed pigment cells. Also known as a birthmark in the contiguous United States.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Beef Steak: Hanger.
Bourbon: Blanton's Original SB. Maker's 46.
Domestic Pig: Bacon.
Fictional Town: Pawnee, Indiana.
Fruit: Pomegranate. Densuke Watermelon. Pineapple. Guava. Orange. Mangosteen. Bing Cherry.
Gin: Bombay Sapphire. Hendrick's. G’ Vine Nouaison
Mobile Apps: Google Maps, Dropbox, Evernote, doubleTwist w/AirSync, Amazon, Kindle, Audible, IMDb, Extreme Call Blocker, Layer, Google Places, Google Voice, Fox News, Fox Business, Voice Search, LogMeIn Ignition, Gmail, Sirius XM, E*Trade, Firefox, Lookout, Wolfram Alpha, Angry Birds, pulse, At Bat, SkyDroid Golf, Golfshot, Quickoffice Pro, Read It Later
Music: I rarely listen to music. (That doesn't mean I cover both ears with my hands and hum if I stumble upon it. I just generally don't listen to it.)
Network Television: The Office, Criminal Minds, 24, Up All Night, Law & Order SVU, Fringe, The Apprentice
RSS Feeds: Engadget. AllThingsD. The Weekly Standard. Ars Technica. Fox Business. Fox Nation.
Rum: Pyrat XO Reserve. 10 Cane. Bacardi. Appleton Estate.
Subscription Based Television: Top Chef, Sons Of Anarchy, The Walking Dead, Homeland, Man vs. Wild, Fox News Channel
Talk Radio: Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Dennis Miller, Laura Ingraham, Neal Boortz, Opie and Anthony, Dan Patrick
Thai Curry: Massaman.
Travel: Many of my favorite pleasure destinations fall under the tropical veil. French Polynesia. The Cayman Islands. Santorini, Greece. Micronesia. Monaco. Dubai. British Columbia.
The six things I could never do without
01] A Go Bag - Packed: Passport/Wallet/Toiletries
02] A Good Multitool
03] Curvy Circumstance
04] A Directv HD DVR Connected to a Sony XBR TV
05] Salt Water/Sand/Sunshine/Rum - All Under the Same Umbrella
06] A Busty Genie in a Bottle Granting Me 6 More Selections -->
07] Cake in a Cup w/Sweet Frost
08] My Pager
09] An SEC (Securities and Exchange Commission) Insider
10] A Commercial Grade Deep Fryer filled w/Peanut Oil
11] Soy Sauce
12] A Clear Insight
I spend a lot of time thinking about
• Change. Specifically the type so many Americans yearned for in 2008. I think about how our "record breaking" President Barack Hussein Obama II delivered just what was promised! Under his watch:
- For the 1st time ever the US Sovereign Debt was downgraded.
- The highest level of government spending since WW2 (25% of the (GDP) economy).
- The highest budget deficit since WW2 (10% of the (GDP) economy).
- The lowest level of employment since 1983 - the participation rate (58.1% of population working).
- The proportion of people who are long-term unemployed (45.9% of the total = 6 months or more w/o a job). The highest rate since the 1930's.
• The ephemeral joys of childhood.
• Why 85% of the United States Federal Income Taxes are paid by 5% of the people. While almost 50% of Americans pay nothing at all!
• Cake.
• The Mexican Submarine. Does it exist? ...and speaking of submarines - why are all the women on UniVision blonde?
• I'll preface this comment with: I like milk. But, to answer the question: What people must have thought of the first guy to drink (cow) milk. I imagine he was considered the village freak. Although, there had to be a 1'st...and what series of events did it take for him to go from «watching baby cows do it» to «getting under one and doing it himself» ?
• The Knights Templar †
• Frozen flavored cream.
• Should the Nineteenth Amendment be repealed? ;)
• Coercion, after all, (it) merely captures man. Freedom captivates him.
• If you have sex with a prostitute against her will - is it considered rape or shoplifting?
• (○)(○)
• Why people who are on the ground pay money to go up to the top of tall buildings - and then put more money in stationary binoculars to look at things on the ground?
• Robots.
• Why would a woman give (even) a semi-accurate estimation of her personal income on a public profile?
• The Illuminati.
• Why does every contestant on Hell's Kitchen smoke? Is that a prerequisite or something?
• The Chilean Model for privatized Social Security.
• Gravy.
• As soon as I think about thinking of something I'll put it here.
On a typical Friday night I am
Pondering the age of entitlement that's upon us. Watching episodes of Miami Ink on Hulu Plus while eating akutaq.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
01] I've never been married - and have no children.
02] I'm addicted to water...it's like I have to drink it every day.
03] Unfunded mandates are illegal - 10th Amendment.
04] I think most people are idiots.
05] When I'm in a hotel room the TV never gets turned off.
06] Naughty = Good
07] Pessimism is the Bodyguard of Socialism.
08] I've never had a dental cavity.
09] I'm an ENTJ.
10] I've never been abducted by aliens in a UFO and studied.
11] Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
12] I almost teared up in the last episode of "Lost"...almost.
13] I don't use Facebook.
14] I prefer the Android OS over iPhone iOS. I use both.
15] A snail can sleep for three years.
16] 3 stock tips: I'm bullish on MSFT, SYK, and RRC.
17] In Iran it's legal to sell a kidney for profit . I wouldn't.
18] Koalas sleep up to 19 hrs a day - Just like several ex-girlfriends.
19] I don't like shoes to be worn inside my house/home/dwelling.
20] I'm an internet certified brassiere fitter. Self commissioned.
21] Concerning Hats: I prefer Visors.
22] I've never lost a physical altercation with a poltergeist.
23] I use a Sonicare toothbrush.
24] I use Amazon Prime.
25] I'm one of few who enjoyed "Battlefield Earth" & "The Postman".
26] German Chocolate Cake has nothing to do with Germany.
27] I reload my firearm ammunition with a Dillon press.
28] The only sugar-coating I do is on funnel cakes.
29] A pony is not a baby horse.
I’m looking for
Girls who like guys
Ages 35-92
Located anywhere
Who are single
For new friends
You should message me if
...you've taken the time to explore my profile and would be interested in finding out more.
...you do NOT think your eyes can change color like that of a mood ring. I assure you, they don't. Unless of course you're part reptile - and if that's the case, I stand corrected.
...you're willing to sneak in a King Sized Snickers bar if we go to the movies. The method of "smuggling" is left up to you.
...you do NOT subscribe to the Keynesian theory.
...you can twirl a baton.
...you can explain to me what a "gaffer" and "best boy" are. Neither sounds like a job I'd want.
...you've never had, nor currently use a hyphenated-last-name.
...you can cook bacon.
...you're NOT a female engineer and [or] swimsuit model who unfortunately became stranded in and [or] around Ghana and [or] Nigeria who happens to get paid through the medium of money orders from miscalculated funds via the widow of a late Chief dictator and [or] National Petroleum Corporation magnate.
...you're wearing a corset.
...you do NOT belong to a labor or trade union.
...you realize "supposebly" is not an actual word.
...you're NOT a Herbivore | Vegetarian. This includes all "Left Coast" varieties - and not limited to: raw, vegan, lacto, ovo. If for no other reason than I'd eat what you leave on your plate.
...you're barefooted.
...someone HAS ever accused you of being "high maintenance".
...you do NOT live in Monowi, Nebraska.
...you've ever been "hit on" in Church by a married man.
...you want my Xbox, Wii, or Playstation gamertags.
...you do NOT have anatidaephobia.
...you're so HOT that inexperienced firemen often put you out by accident!
...you're NOT naturally inclined to get legal advice from Yahoo! ANSWERS.
...and/or especially if you iron well.
Disclaimer: Under this profile name - any musing, question answered, view, thought, tableau, idea, postulation, slant, or mise en scene expressed, implied or otherwise, on the pages of this website are solely mine. The garnered information may not be copied, Ctrl + C&P, mimeographed, or reproduced without my express written permission. I do not have a commercial interest in blogging, writing, or consulting at the present time. If you are (or belong to) a labor or trade union, the Democratic party, an artist, The 99 Percent Movement, a feminist, PBS viewer, former ACORN worker, in a band, or just consider yourself liberal minded, you will more than likely be offended at least three (3) times. Again, everything posted under this profile name is solely my opinion.
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